


These Broken Parts

by Evelyn_Harrison



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Author should be doing homework or updating another fic but this came along, Cheating, Connor cheated on Evan, Connor you fucked up boi, M/M, Post Break Up, SMAD, Sad, Sequel? Who knows, and Evan knows and he’s sad and mad, and poor Evan, but like it’s not shown, elizaaaaaaa, he did a hamilton, pretend that I didn’t say that, sad and gay, this is supposed to be sad, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-25
Updated: 2018-10-25
Packaged: 2019-08-07 16:44:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16412156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evelyn_Harrison/pseuds/Evelyn_Harrison
Summary: It was a little too late, and now he lost him.All because their love was a lie, and that Evan wasn’t enough for Connor.Connor’s sorry, but sorry isn’t enough.Evan’s never going to love him again.





	These Broken Parts

**Author's Note:**

> @awesomelittleweirdo and @connormurphyfangirl on tumblr, this short angst goes out for you two.
> 
> Also I was going to update TtS, but have this instead.

“Hurts, doesn’t it?”

Connor stared at his ex-boyfriend, who stood around 10 feet away from him. His throat was parched, and he felt that he couldn’t breathe. He was frozen on the spot, blinking and trying to register what Evan meant.

Evan didn’t bother to look at Connor, eyes hard and he faced the ground. Days ago, his eyes were soft and full of life, full of happiness and pure-ness. His hands was curled into his blue striped polo shirt, face twisted with a mix of betrayal and sadness.

“Hurts that you have to see me like this. All torn up and broken, a _doll_ that can’t be mended.” Evan continues, chewing on the inside of his lip. “That’s what I was to you, right? A doll, _a toy_ to you.”

 _What? No, Evan, it’s not like that._ Is what Connor would of said. But instead, a heavy sense of guilt wrapped around his neck, his mouth clamped shut. All he could do was to stand there, listen to Evan helplessly.

“I knew that too, _god_ , I knew that our love wasn’t anything, didn’t mean anything to you. I saw how you like looked at other boys, I saw that you were clearly not interested in me.” Evan pauses, the chill air crisp around them. Letting go of his shirt, he cups his cheek to wipe away tears that has a sprung from his eyes. “And yet I… I still hoped that you would one day _see_ me. See that I loved you.”

Finally, Connor sucks in a sharp breath, realizing that Evan used the past tense of love. _That means that—_

“I don’t love you anymore.”

Evan relaxes his muscles, a few more droplets of tears falling before they stopped. His eyes turned dull, his weak smile from earlier turned into a simple line. “I don’t. Not anymore.”

Connor sees his arm extend, his legs moving one step after the other to try to reach out for Evan. “Evan—.”

Flinching back, Evan turns his body so that he isn’t facing the brunette anymore. He raises a hand push Connor’s arm away, and he whispers out in a quiet voice, “Don’t you _dare_ touch me.”

“Evan, please, it doesn’t have to be like this!” Connor finds himself pleaing, wanting to hold his former boyfriend in his arms, like how they used to before. When the nights were cool and they’d be wrapped in each other’s arms, giggling about the future and what it would be like with each other in it.

It was obvious that Evan didn’t want Connor in his future anymore.

“That’s what I said, Connor Murphy.” Connor feels chills down his spine, he’s been so used to Evan’s soft and light voice call him by his nickname. Not this harsh and cold tone, not this broken and desperate voice. “Remember? You were there too, I had reached out and held your hand.”

The memory was still fresh in his mind, Connor was thinking of it over and over again since they broke up. He could of taken everything back, he could of reached his hand back out to Evan and say that he was sorry, say that he’ll never do it again.

_“Connor, I doesn’t have to be like this! We could work it out, we can start over!”_

Now he was the one saying it. Now he’s the one trying to apologize and start over.

Start over what? A new relationship? A new friendship?

“No, Connor. It’s a little too late for that.” Evan shakes his head, his cerulean eyes lowering again. “You could of said something before, but today was the day that my feelings for you died. I had held on for you, I’ve chased after you for so long, so long, hoping that you would one day love me back. Hoping that you would feel the same.”

_I did, I did feel the same. I love you for longer than you could possibly know, I love everything about you. Why can’t you see that?_

“But it’s a _joke_ , right? _I’m_ the joke!” The blond furiously wipes away the tears that began falling like the raindrops on a stormy day. “Who would love me, the screwed up me with these broken parts and the mess that I am! _I don’t_ , I don’t even…”

Trailing off, Evan looks outside for a long moment, the leaves of the trees rustling outside and the sky darker than usual. His lip trembles, his back hunched and he seems just so small in such a big house. He looks like he’s ready to disappear at any moment, ready to blend into the walls and hide away.

“… I don’t even love myself.”

It was almost like a final blow, and Connor felt that Evan had punched him in the chest, blowing the air out of his lungs. _I did this to him, I hurt him beyond repair, I broke him, I did this!! I hurt the only person I could possibly love, I hurt Evan so much that I hurt myself!_

“And you also wanna know what, Connor? That day when I was at the orchard with you on our one year anniversary, you looked at the sunset and commented on how beautiful it was? Where we could be alright, for forever, this way…That was the day that I— _that I—_!” Curling inwards, Evan bends down and lets more tears fall and hit the ground, voice shaky and he was quivering in his spot. Sinking to the ground, Evan eventually looks into Connor’s eyes, desperation and melancholy evident in his tear-glistened eyes as he lets outs small sobs.

Connor’s heart pounds as he listens to Evan’s answer, already knowing what it is, and he hates that he knows. He finds himself crying too. Crying because he was responsible for all of this, and he was the one who could of prevented all of it if he didn’t cheat or if he was truly loyal and loving. “Evan…”

“I let go.”

**Author's Note:**

> hehehhe
> 
> EDIT: Also apart of the oneshots ‘Angst Wars’ that the true amazing writer @connormurphyfangirl(hamburr_fangirl) and I created! (Go check out their works, their hella freaking incredible!!!)


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